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Bears Artspace 2012 - Selections

: pigdogg; January 24th, 12:11

The co-ordination of the Harbour City Bears 4th Annual Bears Artspace is well and truly underway.

Having received submissions from over 20 artists with more than 70 works all of worthy consideration, it is heartening and whelming to see.

Decision making to reduce the number of works to half so that all artists receive space in the gallery has been exhausting. Many different aspects to the.process, not just the quality but also fitting the brief, have made for hard choices. The possibility that some individuals will be disappointed with the selections based on their excitement at exhibiting through to their own personal wishes for particular pieces to be shown.

I enjoy very much the chance to give others a platform to expose themselves (take that as you will) though ultimately there will be some who don't appreciate the efforts and expense gone to to allow them the oppprtunity.

On the other hand, there are also the artists who have an inherent understanding of what goes in to get the results I want to achieve for a successful exhibition. And that is a major reward.

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Becoming more self-conglatulatory (or opposed to flagellatory)

: pigdogg; January 20th, 15:59

Current Mood:: contemplative

Current Music:: Gwen Stefani - What U Waiting For?

Support and acknowledgment are things that I do desire and there is a great deal around me. Right under my nose most of the time, which I cut off to spite myself.

Art and music and performance is where this desire for acknowledgment lie. Admittedly, the performance aspect gets noticed and noted with positive acclamation.

The art and music, well I am the hyper-critic of self in that regard, so feedback of a positive variety is always noted. But, sometimes, the ones that I want some positive feedback from, just don't seem to provide that.

Then there are those that are also artistic (in some way, individuals I admire who are doing their thing) - that effuse a positive vibe of caring for those around them - but, when approached for feedback or just a general recognition of what I am doing, don't seem to respond at all. They fall silent.

In the past, this has distressed me and made me feel that I have nothing to offer.

Ultimately, though, this desire of mine is merely a form of self-serving acceptance, which is to be worked through.

The product of my pursuits is through the time and effort committed to those activites.

The Joy of Working for What You Want

: pigdogg; January 17th, 9:35

Current Mood:: accomplished

Current Music:: Hardfloor - Acperience

What a time was had last weekend.

Dress ups, bike rides, music, dance, communication. The list goes on.

Saturday was an overcast day and a bike ride was to be had. Riding around Sydney, by the water, surprising bike path finds and seeing parts of Sydney you don't see when you drive from point A to point B. Breakfast with Bruce, a good friend, moments of tender emotion (which require no apology).

Sunday was Bad Dog and the premiere of a new outfit for my alter-persona. Again, an overcast day, but the rain held off (fortunately for my visage). Wonderful companionship. Brilliant chats with strangers and friends alike, deep and meaningful or pure lite. It was all good and very comfortable.

Kicking on from Bad Dog to Loose Ends, such a laidback club (though it got pretty hard music styley at around 3am).

The highlight of highlights - hearing my music, my own song by fuzzyelectric being played in a club by Matt Vaughan (a special mix that I created with his feedback) and that it stood up to the sound system, that it sounded like it fit into the mix, being able to excitedly gush to people that this was my music. Having another DJ ask where she could get a copy. Having a leged of the rave scene say that he liked the song and was glad he could be with me to share the moment.

All in all, the weekend was a validation that I have worked for this and the payoff is as good as the process.

PS - I guess, I also learned that my penchant for being utterly self-reliant is not always productive, nor necessary.

Week in (short) Review

: pigdogg; January 13th, 22:23

Current Mood:: happy

Current Music:: all is full of love - bjork

Still on holidays.

Finished a song that I am very happy with. Distributed around and got good critical feedback, which I applied to finish the tune, which may actually get airplay in a club sometime soon.

Read up on flat caps and their history. Particularly interesting was the fact in the 16th century that an act of parliament in the UK made it law that the flat cap must be worn by all males over the age of 6 who were not of nobility. This was repealed within 30 years of being decreed, but the law was about stimulating the wool economy.

This lead me to want to try and sew a flat cap, which I did. Albeit, the cap was a little rudimentary in the finished product, but I had a patten and minimal instructions, so I was pretty chuffed it looked like it should.

Started a new gym program. The last two years were about gaining weight, which I have done successfully having put on a healthy 20 kilos (just under 40 pounds). Considering I was 75kg (165 pounds), now 94kg (207 pds), I've achieved that goal. The new goal is set to build my frame.

Considerably reduced the sugar intake, which has already seen me lose an inch around my waist (some of that additional weight needs to be trimmed cos' it aint muscle).

There have been other things going on, but this is what you get with a short review.

Moments I am Grateful to have Noticed

: pigdogg; January 9th, 22:07

Current Mood:: grateful

Current Music:: Psychological - PSB

Wings outstretched in a sun salutation, in the early morning, the Top Knot Pigeon on the garage roof warming it's blood.

Stalking crepuscular chirruping Crickets in the backyard, silencing on my approach. Resuming as I move mere steps away.

Wondering at the three min min lights on the northern horizon, rising upwards and disappearing into the cloudy night.

Busy industrial laneways, vehicles reversing and turning tetris-like to allow the traffic to flow.

Detouring on a cycle ride to capture the setting sun saturating coloured walls in reflective white.

Holding Back the Happy Tears

: pigdogg; January 8th, 3:22

Current Mood:: satisfied

Current Music:: fuzzyelectric - b who u wanna b

Creativity for me can be quite an emotional experience.

The satisfaction of "just being" in that creative moment, the resultant output, the ability to review and see progression (at least through my eye) can be a very happy time to be me.

So happy that it brings tears of joy. I breathe deep at the times when I feel that the floodgates may open, but sometimes I think I should let that happen. *Why does happiness make me cry?

Yesterday was one of those days, I did some drawings (one particularly involving grief and anguish, but I was "pleased" with the result), worked on a new song in my fuzzyelectric guise (which is just about complete - a robotic vocally kind of minimalistic number. first time actively using a sample to splice, re-organise and add to the groove) and started preparations for another Zaqeesha outfit.

I felt happy with it all - minimal doubts, quantifiable output.

Transmission Break from facebook

: pigdogg; January 7th, 8:40

Current Mood:: optimistic

Current Music:: Britney - Everytime (DJ Strobe Vocal Mix)

So, now starting day 3 of my transmission break from facebook. The first couple of days have been difficult at times - weird, even - but, I have successfully avoided getting "involved".

This blog, together with my 365 project, is linked to post on facebook, so if you're interested you can see what I am up to, where my head's at and all that.

In just two days, the extra time has afforded me the opportunity to consider where I am at this stage of the year and I have cast some resolutions -

go see at least one movie and read at least one book a month;
shed my hermit crab home and meet with friends;
explore during the first six months of this year the skill set I have in a work environment and how that can be applied in different fields (ie. I don't want to be a legal secretary for the rest of my life, but how do my legal secretarial skills transfer to other sectors); and
to do another photo project of pictures of me at least once a month to chart my physical transformation at the gym (I am upping my game in that regard).

A limited list, but achievable nonetheless.

So, while I am away and at reduced fb consumption, you can contact me at cozathomas@gmail.com or 0418 146 970.

In any case, I hope to see you in the flesh sometime soon. Did someone say coffee?!

Melancholia

: pigdogg; January 6th, 13:18

Current Mood:: good

Current Music:: imogen heap - let go (live studio version)

For Xmas, my mother sent me $50 inside a wonderfully non-seasonal, but nonetheless humorous given to a bear focus, Christmas card.

I decided to go and see a film, to buy some popcorn and immerse myself in a vision I was excited to see, though I am not particularly enamoured to the work of Lars Von Trier. Admitteddly, Dancer is the Dark saw me cry a river of tears, in a reminiscence to Elephant Man. Both films made me angry, that people could treat one another in these ways and at the decisions made by the principle characters.

The film I saw, Melancholia, left me nauseous (most likely that relates to the hand-held camera work), but it also whelmed me emotionally at the minutiae of the two sister's lives around which the story revolves. So much so that upon departing the cinema I choked back tears walking through the foyer back to day, there was some internal resonance going on.

As the two acts of the film ruminated through my brain, I saw that the characters cathartically move beyond their roles in life to get to the essence of who they truly are and how we can be affected by the temperament shaded blue. Which is not to say we are all melancholic, but that melancholy in others can affect us too.

How huge is the planet of Melancholia that it's encroaching doom cannot be cast aside, but also that life must continue until it's impact is felt. How debilitating the impact can be.

Visually beautiful, the hand held camera work took away from some startlingly framed shots, my focus so intent to view the screen edges as frame to balanced and wonderfully composed images. This was the only detraction (or disappointment) for me.

Days after I am left with moments of unsought reflection, which creeps into my consciousness and recedes again to further be mulled over in the back of my mind.

Getting nothing but static in my attic

: pigdogg; January 5th, 17:41

Current Mood:: Shaken & Stirred

Current Music:: Beverley Craven - Promise Me

So, anyone who knows me on facebook knows that I am a tad addicted to it.

But, sometimes the forum leads me to depression.

The negativity. The nastiness - particularly when it is used where a difference of opinion might arise and always leaves me shaken (physically and mentally - I am perhaps too susceptible to personal attacks *whole blogs-worths of analysing this could be made). The waste of my time which makes me miserable in thinking I should be more productive.

A break in transmission is required.

Books need to be read. Pictures need to be drawn. Friends need to be re-connected with. My brain needs to quieten down.

A new motto (discovered in the unlikely place of a pro-activ advertisement whilst working of some steam on the treadmill at my gym):

STOP WORRYING, CORY.

pictures say a few words (the ones i cant think of)

: pigdogg; December 17th, 2011

when the words wont come. pick up the graphite and paper.

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